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If you have more than one child, or if you work in a classroom full of students, you know that kids frequently get into disagreements with one another. Many of those disagreements are over simple – dare I call them silly? – things like who gets to use the scissors first, whose turn it is to feed the hamster, or who gets to sit on the right side of the rug.
When these kinds of conflicts arise, I’ve discovered a very quick, very simple trick that helps my kids solve their disagreements peacefully nearly 100% of the time. In fact, you may already know this trick but never thought to use it to help your kids solve their disagreements.
Want to know what my special trick is?
The one simple trick I use to help kids solve conflict quickly and peacefully is rock-paper-scissors, also known as ro-sham-bo.
How to play rock-paper-scissors
Rock-paper-scissors is a simple game played between two people. Each player simultaneously forms one of three shapes with their hands:
- Rock, made by balling the hand into a fist
- Paper, made by laying the hand flat
- Scissors, made by extending the first two fingers into a V like an open pair of scissors
After the players show their hand shapes, there are four possible outcomes:
- Rock beats scissors
- Scissors beat paper
- Paper beats rock
- If both people form the same shape, it is a tie and the players must try again
How I use rock-paper-scissors to help kids solve their conflicts
I taught this game to my kids when they were four years old. They are now five, and rock-paper-scissors is how they solve most of their simple conflicts. It is perfect for disagreements over things like who picks the first story or who gets to feed the cats.
When my kids get into a disagreement, I gently remind them to use this technique. But now that we’ve been using rock-paper-scissors to solve conflicts for so long, they sometimes decide to use it on their own without me having to suggest it.
To play, I encourage my kids to form their hand into a shape behind their back first.
Once their hands are ready, they count 1-2-3. On 3, they both show their hands.
Rocks beats scissors.
Scissors beat paper.
Paper beats rock.
And problem solved!
It took a bit of work on my part to help XGirl be okay with the outcome when she would lose. But now she has so much practice with this technique under her belt – and she sees that sometimes she wins and sometimes she loses – that she no longer fusses when the outcome doesn’t go her way.
The brilliant part of this technique is that no materials are needed, and it only take a few seconds to use. The outcome is fair and impartial. And best of all, rock-paper-scissors doesn’t require me to choose between my two kids, so I don’t have to be the “bad guy.”
Try it with your kids and let me know how it goes!
For more great parenting tricks, see my Parenting Tips Pinterest board.
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Love it! My second child will be three in March and I think that holding their handbehind the back would make this possible for her to do since she doesn’t need to understand the timing of pounding your fist into your hand 3 times – great idea!!
This is a really good idea, but I am not certain this could work in a classroom environment exactly because as you said, it takes some practice for the little ones to learn the rules and not mind losing a few times. It’s a great parenting trick, though. Thanks for sharing it.
Actually, I learned this trick while doing research on a school-wide program that taught this to kids as one of the ways of resolving conflict on the playground. So it can definitely be successfully employed in a school-based setting. But yes, it would take time to create a culture of using this technique.
Love this idea!!! lol!! I have a 6 & 4 yr old, and am going to start this tomorrow! 🙂
I taught in an international school in South Korea a few years ago and all the kids would do this for turn taking or conflict resolution. It was brilliant..
You could make cards for the motor challenged too.
Great idea!
Thanks! I needed this. My kids got into a fight today, but I didn’t know the best resolution so I separated them. I told them if you can’t play nice than you can’t play together. The little one understood, so she went to kiss her brother and sat next him as an apology. Of course, this only happened after multiple attempts at punishing the culprit(s).
Parenting is tough and sometimes it is hard to know how to best help our kids learn to disagree with each other and still get along, isn’t it? 🙂
My brothers and I discovered this game some years ago (in the 90’s, I think) and we find it totally useful for the purposes you describe. Now I’m 35 years old and my “little” brother is 30 and we still use it to decide who washes the dishes or who has to go to the store when we’re at our parents house for holidays, just for the lols. When we were still children we even find out how to make it work with 3 players. I’m totally teaching it to my own children.